love - Enrique Rojas

Enrique Rojas
Director
Spanish Institute of
Psychiatry Research
MADRID
19. August 2011
JMJ
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What is love?
Falling in love
Making the right choice
7 pieces of advise before getting married
Alchemy of conyugal love: 7 ingredients
Love must be the fundation of life
Love is the best answer to all the question and
unknowns of our existence
Love is the need to emerge from within your
inner self anohter to walk together through a
shared existence
Information and formation about love
Love affects all dimensions of human life: love is
the first and last foundation of the human being
There are three basic factors:
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Admiration
Attraction
Necesity to share
- Crystallization (Stendhal)
- State of fascination (Alberoni)
- Revelation (Andre Maurois, Somerset
Maugham)
- How wonderful it is that you exist…for me
- To fall in love is to create a private mythology
- I love you= I need you
- You are my proyect…you are my life
MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE
Love and knowledge
- Choosing the right person
- Selecting from a certain human prototype…a
certain profile
- True love is selective
- Intelligent love consists of heart, mind and
culture
- Don’t make a mistake of expectation
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1. Don’t idealise love
2. Don’t idolise the other person
3. Being in love doesn’t guarantee a long and
4.
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happy relationship
Married life requieres constant learning
Couples can undergo crises
Mature love is the union of two people who
nevertheless retain their individuality
True love means giving more than you take
1.
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 6.
 7.
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Feeling
Sexuality
Common beliefs
Love as an act of will
Love as an act of intelligence
Commitment
Love is fluidity and dynamism
1. FEELING
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- Love is much more than a mere
feeling
- Feelings are perfectible and
destructive
- Love es a feeling and a decision…it
is not limited to emotion: it also
implies determination
- Don´t forget the stages of love
- The art of life in common
2. SEXUALITY
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To love is to feel attraction
Sexuality is one of the key lenguages of
committment love
Sexuality must be harmoniously integrate
into the couple´s common project
Sexuality must be an integral realtionship:
phsical, psychological, spiritual and
historical…combined in a beautiful melody
We are our body and our body represents
us
3. COMMON BELIEFS
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Having similar spiritual foundations
The christian perspective
Our society requiere more examples
than prophet, more witness than
masters
To share an spirituality in the day to
day
4. LOVE AS AN ACT OF THE
WILL
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Will: capacity to pospone the riward
Will: to know to distinguish between gals
and objetives…it´s very important
Diligere is love with will
Amare is a love focused on feelings
Caritas is love with generosity and
surrender
Will and intelligence are esential if we
aspire to a mature, stable balance,
harmonious and lasting love
To fight in the little details
Will improves with use
5. LOVE AS AN ACT OF THE
INTELLIGENCE
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Heart, mind and culture
Love between a man and a woman must
be simultaneously emotional and
intelligent
One task of the intelligence is to facilitate
ongoing learning aimed at improving our
love
Love improves through knowledge, about
ourselves and about other person
To be prepared to practice functional
solutions…on the conflicts
Forgiveness is of enormous importance
6. COMMITMENT
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Nowaday…Syndrom de SIMON
Panic commitment syndrom
Loving is committing
True love requires the freedom of the
loved one
True commitment is responsability
and faithfulness
Faithfulness is exclusivity
7. LOVE IS A DYNAMIC
PROCESS
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Love isn’t static but dynamic
Being-for-life
being-for-oneself
being-for-another
Love as dedication and renunciation
We must pay attention to the other
person, and consider him or her our
main priority
Love has and percentage high of
psychological craftsmanship
SOME BEHAVIOURAL HINTS
FOR SOLVING CONYUGAL
CONFLICTS
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Ability to forgive
Forgiveness is not possible without a
profound sense of spirituality
The ability to forget and forgive is a
feature of emotional maturity and
love
I suggest…being able to forgive
everyone and everything…is a
challenge…an super (hihger) man
SOME BEHAVIORAL HINTS…
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Don’t bring up the list grievances
Avoid unnecessary discussions
Learn to value things (within family
life) at their true worth (sound
judgement)
Mutual respect: is a very important
factor
Learn to get over bad days or
conflcits
SOME BEHAVIOURAL HINTS…
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Learn communications skills
Sense of humour
Never talk about divorce
Avoid distortion in your perception of
reality
Stop your tendency to control,
monitor and spy on your couple
Always have spiritual reasons for
overcoming difficulties
AN ENDDING THAT IS A
BEGINNING
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Have clear ideas about love and falling in
love
Know what love is a task full psychological
craftsmanshi
Take care little details is intelligent love
There aren’t love with sacrifice/ renounce
Love is the great opportunity to achive a
reasonable happiness