Chicaclc>s Two brothers were they. Pancho Clos and Santa Clos

Chicaclc>s
Two brothers were they. Pancho Clos and Santa Clos. One ate
tamales, fried beans and arroz. The other ate nothing but chopped
ham, sandwiches, jelly, and toast. One was the color of uncooked
dough, the other was coffee brown. But both, it was said, were ~H±H
quite handsome .
Both Santa and Pancho Clos had a liking for reindeer. Medieum
rare o al pastor, toasted or poached. --'Till the time when Santa
got indigestion (such a pig at the table was he!). From that very
day on Santa never again even nibbled at a reindeer sandwich -even if served on rye. Instead he decided to breed them as one breeds
cattle. Can you imagine, in the early morning rain having to go out
to milk the poor ladies deer?
As to Pancho Clos, he opted for donkey raising.T~ose cute big
Christl You
headed~~ burritos that you just don't see anymore.
had a nasty
who
-burros
the
with
had
shoulda heard the raps that he
which might
something
a
spoke
habit of hee-hawing each time that they
i ght have
m
it
sure,
be
to
Although
have been Portugese or Chinese .
been English or Cantonese.
As to the linguistic distinction of Santa Clos, it w~s that no~
even Merry Christmas could he properly utter. Either he had oodles
in his noodle or he just wasn't quite turned on, as there can be no
doubt that he was Anglo and therefore should at least have been able to say
-- at the very least -- a Ho! Ho! Ho! in English! He did say things
like A-migo and Juatchuse••• What with the thunderous horn-smashi ng
sounds of the reindeer -- over some cute lady deer, who could determine
if the old chap Santa might be a mognostic, a farisee or Christian?
You never can tell •••
Whatever the case may be, and for reasons anknown to me, Pancho Clos
turned out to be a real hustler. And when he had one too many, his
wife would take it upon herself to give him a sound beating with whatever might be at hand. Quite sunburnt xxs he was in his holy land (you
shoulda see his tan-- and not from no plastic can!) as he worked the
corporate kitchen-gar dens. Why, he was often officially labeled a
Migrant Worker. Or as sometimes ocurred, as when Santa's cousins fill ed
out job application forms,they 'd say somewhere in there that Pancho Clos
and his relatives were disadvantag ed, hands, or even sometimes that
their Chabalitos were EMR's -- educably mentally retarded!
'
Chicacl6s
Quesque eran dos hermanos. El Pancho Clos y el Santa Clos . Uno
comfa tamales, y frijoles con arroz . El otro puro chopped ham y /
sandwiches de jalea. Uno era color pan crudo, y el otro color cafe.
Y bien parecidos los dos .
Tanto al Santa como el Pancho Clos les gustaban los venados.
Sancochados o al pastor, crudos o bien tostados . -- Hasta que se
empacho una vez el Santa ( quien se lo manda por trag6n ! ) Desde ese
mesmito dia ya no volvfcr a comer sandwiches de venado, y se dedico
a crearlos como quien cr1a ganado. ; Imaglnese uste, a esas goras de
la noche , tener que ir a ordenarYia venada!
En cuanto al Pancho Clos , pues a el le dib por crear burros . De
esos chiqu~tos y cabezones -- que pos ya ni se ven . fA que platicas
se echaba con los burros -- quienes ten{an la mala mafia de rebuznar
cada que hablaban algo como Chino o Portuges . Aunque pos pa bien
decir , a la mejor ser{a Ingles!
En cuanto a la distinccion lingu1stica de ~anta Clos, era, que
este no sabia ni decir Merry Christmas ni en Ingle~ . Y pos si o
le patinaba el coco, o no se le prendfa -- porque de ser guero si lo
era. Dec!a casas como XMiig~xJXtxx±~kKxe¥~X A-migo , y Juatchuse(. ••
Y pos ya con lostruenos de los cuacos de los venados, pos quien
iba a saber si ese fulano era magno8tico, aristeo, o cristiano? Uno
nuca pue saveer •••
Haya side lo que haya sido, y pos quien sabe por que razones , el
Pancho Clos resulto muy trabajador. Y cuando se le pasaban las
copas, su vieja lo agarraba a palos con lo que estuviera mas cerca.
Y como que se hizo pr ieta en su santa tierra, cultivando grandes
huertos . Quesque aveces hasta le decfan migrant worker. 0 como en
o t ras veces cuando los primos del Santa 6los llenaban las formas pa
jales, le ponfan allf que PanchotLos y sus hermanos eran laborers o
disadvantaged , o aveces a l os chabalitos quesque eran hasta retardados
mentales!
Tal fue el case que Pancho Clos, el grande, padre de Tata Clos Chico,
murfo de pesar y sufrimiento . Solo dejaron una flor de mirasol ~xm
en su tumba. Pero tal fue la decendencma en la familia de los rata
Closes que Pancho Clos fue el ultimo de esa herencia. Pues segun se
conto, el heredero primogenito de la familffia no es nadie mas que
~ki«~s Chicacl6s1
Chicaclos, " Pagin a
2
Sucn. was the case that Pancho Clos, the Elder, father of Tata Clos
Younger, died from his ordeals and grief. Only a · Sunflower wreath was
left on his tomb. But such was the descendency of the Tata Clos family
that Pancho Clos was the last to inhermt the old name. For as the story
goes, the Heir-apparent to the family name is none other than the
first- born Chicaclos!
Chicaclos does not travel Aereo-Linea Venado, the Deer with the Golden
Tail -- but in Cnile Chicajets. Down from the sky he stumbles full of
ammo rounds and kegs full of powder or tequila. i Un menudo pa la cruda!
He bellows under his cap. But between bottles and rounds, Chicaclos is
quite well armed with atole and pan tostado.
--OH! As to Santa Clos, why, he's still around, 'cept that his deer
don't savy English ; and it is said that they ' ve run outa oil with which
to warm up their mittens and defrost their frozen toys. So it ocurrs
that when he does venture out he seems to go out and sell -- you know,
to take advantage of the season . Why, already strange stories are told • • •
As to Chicacl6s? Would you believe that thisGf~~ dude is telling
all the pe ople that we aint gonna be pushed around no more? He's saying
that we aint gonna be pushed around even in Christmas. They say that
he'll even take on the policemen. i Entrenle Gringos ladrones! So he
shouts, el Chicaclos. No wonder they're always trying to put him
behind bars •
••• I hope that we get a visit this season from the famous Chi caclds .
Merry Christmas !